| Saturday, June 13th, 2009 |
| 4:46 pm |
I wish you acted like you gave a fuck You're trying, but you still just don't get it. I don't need you to take me out to dinner and hang out with me every day. I need you to pay a little fucking attention to what I say! I don't want you to spend money on me. I want you to put your heart into this. It would also be rad if my friends gave me advice other than "he's a loser, break up with him" I'm sick of hearing it. I feel like I can't talk to anyone. I'm so frustrated. |
| Tuesday, May 19th, 2009 |
| 3:11 pm |
Christa
wants a claddagh ringgggggggggggggggggg |
| Tuesday, May 12th, 2009 |
| 10:16 am |
Brief life update, as I'm procrastinating and really don't have the time to be doing so. I'm almost done with my sophmore year at JWU. I'm getting a degree in equine studies. Pretty stoked; I just don't feel like I really earned it or something, you know? Kinda surreal. I took my gauges out less than a week ago, and I they don't fit in anymore! EEEK!:] I guess you could say that Paul and I are back together. (Please, no sassy comments.) We've talked a lot about everything. I asked him about the time when we were apart, and whether or not he'd slept with anyone. He said no, and that he doesn't care what I did. We're really starting over, and it feels nice. I asked him to apologize to my dad, and I'm looking forward to moving on after that. I just want my parents to be able to trust him, and I feel like a real apology to my father will make it easier for me to trust him too.. you really can't fuck up after that, lol. I NEED to get my shit together. I don't want to work full time at best friends all summer. I'd like to be able to help out there, but I really need something to put on my resume. I'll probably be doing Krystle's summer camp, but I need some other kind of horse-related job. I also need to find a barn to ride at. I also REALLY need to finish writing this essay.. So I'll finish this post later. |
| Saturday, May 9th, 2009 |
| 12:36 am |
Don't fuck around. I'm not going to bother with you if you're going to take anything for granted. I'm not letting myself forgive you just get hurt again. |
| Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 |
| 8:06 pm |
All of my friends think I'm an idiot for giving you the chance to prove yourself. Please, don't let me down again. |
| Tuesday, April 28th, 2009 |
| 10:05 am |
I feel like everyone thinks I let you in too easily. To some extent I guess I forgave you too fast, but I still have questions that I need to ask you, and I still have the wall that I built up for the past six months. Everything just feels right when I'm with you, I feel like I'm home when we're together. It's hard for me to say I believe you, but I think I can trust you this time when you tell me you love me. It just sounds different now, it sounds real? I think. This is the first time I've come into being with you having doubts. I hope it's the first and last time they're unwarranted. I know I've been walking around since October saying I'd forget about you, that I'd never give you another chance.. but I guess it was just a front. Like I said, I can't deny you. I'm so glad we had that talk on Sunday, I feel much better about everything. There are still going to be trust issues that we're going to have to spend time working on, I hope we can both do it? I hope I'm strong enough, and not too far gone to make things work. I'm just done being the one putting in all of the effort, but I think you're changing that. :] I missed waking up to you so much. Kissing you is probably my #1 favorite thing to do in the entire world. It's cute when you talk about us in the future tense. What's the worst that could happen? |
| Thursday, April 23rd, 2009 |
| 9:51 am |
Paul told me he loves me last night. I'm terrified? It made everything so much more real. I don't know if something this broken can be fixed. :/ |
| Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009 |
| 10:54 am |
-I lost 6 pounds this week! -Paul is coming again tonight. -I don't really know what I'm doing! per usual. It's just impossible for me to deny this boy. If he thinks he's got me he's gonna have to work for it, he's got some serious proving himself to do. -I want to get tattooed!? |
| Monday, April 20th, 2009 |
| 12:25 pm |
WELL.. something happened. I guess I'm stupid for that. There's just something about you. I can't deny it. I just can't get hurt anymore. Just going with the flow for now? stupid girl! <3 |
| Friday, April 17th, 2009 |
| 10:03 am |
|
| 9:43 am |
Paul came last night. and it wasn't that weird. |
| Tuesday, April 14th, 2009 |
| 7:27 pm |
non est ad astra mollis e terris via "there is no easy way from the earth to the stars" |
| Monday, April 13th, 2009 |
| 3:47 pm |
I'm tired of being alone. I don't want you to fill that gap for me anymore, I'm done taking the easy way out. I just miss being in love? Or something. |
| Thursday, April 9th, 2009 |
| 7:12 pm |
Everything is good. but also weird. Paul's coming to visit next Thursday. He's so depressed, I can feel it. I don't think anything is going to happen. |
| Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 |
| 9:35 pm |
Abso-fucking-lutely out of my minddddddddd I think I'm okay though?! I'm excited for friday. But nervous, because I'm socially retarded. |
| Sunday, March 29th, 2009 |
| 10:22 am |
I just saw one of those stupid quotes that I would have put on my myspace if I were still 16. "A broken heart is like a broken mirror. It's better to leave it broken than to hurt yourself trying to fix it." It's stupid. but true. and I'm depressed again. I hope it's just today. I was feeling so much better:( My mood right now is going along really well with the weather outside. |
| Saturday, March 28th, 2009 |
| 10:45 pm |
I'm so stressed out Every time I stick to my morals and know I'm doing something right, I end up getting fucked over. I tried to look out for a friend, and I'm pretty sure all I did was seal the deal on me not having a place to live next year. Shit like this makes me want someone in my life that I can really talk to. That actually gives two shits about me. Fuck. I think I only have five friends that I can trust. Three of them are nowhere near me, and I feel like I'm growing apart from a few of them. I'm not letting myself fix this by making myself numb. I think I'm growing up. It sucks. |
| Friday, March 27th, 2009 |
| 10:13 am |
Everything's just wonderful. I can finally sleep at night without being fucked up. Current Music: liferuiner |
| Wednesday, March 25th, 2009 |
| 11:54 pm |
EPIPHANY: I DON'T NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not like I did before. Yesterday I was excited, thinking that talking again meant something good and today, I DGAF. Seriously, I can live without you. I can be happy. I'm doin' it right now, and I don't need to complicate my life anymore with your shit! I just want to meet new people!!!! I want to find someone to say goodnight to. |
| Tuesday, March 24th, 2009 |
| 10:38 pm |
I'm anxious about seeing you on Friday. I'm afraid of what will happen if it doesn't go well. I'm more afraid of what will happen if it does? Stop over-analyzing things! I'm happy, I'm in a better place, and whatever is going to happen will regardless of how much I stress over it. DGAF This all seems so petty. |
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